15: Three Conversations

Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful parts of us.” —David Richo, PhD, MFT

We must fiercely resist the idea that true love must mean conflict-free love, that the course of true love is smooth. It’s not. The course of true love is rocky and bumpy at the best of times. That’s the best we can manage as the creatures we are. It’s no fault of mine or no fault of yours; it’s to do with being human. And the more generous we can be towards that flawed humanity, the better chance we’ll have of doing the true hard work of love.

Alain De Bottom
On Being with Krista Tippet

The True Hard Work of Love and Relationships

Conversation #1

Something I bought for me. C kept without a second thought.

Me: When I hold you I invariably begin to think of ©, and I feel shame all over again.

Her: You know © doesn’t think of you at all except at what she can take. You were there as supply. You were part of her Pattern. You were just one more broken knight. She could change but why? It works for her.


She saw my face, paused, and then kissed me on the forehead.

Conversation #2

“The real work of love is not in the falling, but in what comes after.” – Alain De Botton

Me: I feel stupid that I still care about ©’s well being in the face of her behavior. I just want to take a spoon and carve the hope out of my heart. I know there is no hope.

Doctor: You mean there is no hope yet.

Me: What?!

Doctor: You don’t have any idea how things will turn out. Just keep on your path. Maybe there is hope, and maybe there is not, but you are not omnipotent, omnipresent, or clairvoyant. What matters is are you a happier person when you act from a place of hopefulness or hopelessness? Which is more empowering?

Me: Hopefulness is empowering.

Doctor: Exactly. Hope doesn’t mean you and © repair to re-pair. Being hopeful means you believe in a positive outcome.

Conversation #3

On grieving.


1 thought on “15: Three Conversations

  1. RosieJoseph – France – Welcome to both my blogs. Due to my memoir I have had to use change my name after blogging for four years and use my new pseudonym: Rosie Joseph. I thought I would use my parents second names because I know they would be proud of me telling our story. Despite my blog Making this better being about infidelity I am still happily married to my darling husband. The affair happening in our lives encouraged to visit France and we moved to France in 2015 after an eight year love affair with it every summer. But life in France was tough, and we learned not to be afraid to make change, so we moved to Ireland at the end of 2020. I published ‘Making This Better’ the memoir where I share the whole 21 days that RD was not with me and how that affected me, and my journal entries for the first five years after 'The war' happened in our lives. I hoped that sharing our story will help others but I know now it really did from the feedback I have received from all over the world. Six years ago I wrote how I ‘loved my life in France, but I am loving the idea of an adventure more. I have the wanderlust bug who knows where life will take me next!’ Well now I know it took me to Ireland! Always remember what is important in life. The only moment is now. If you like to laugh, cry and reflect, then join me on my adventure. Rosie
    moisyswindell says:

    When Rich and I renewed our vows 29 months later my friend hand stitched a meme for us: A marriage is an achievement, a wedding is an event. So true you have to work for everything, if everything was easy what would it mean? I just read the convo about hope to Rich, and askehim what is the most empowering he said hope.