46: The Silent Treatment

This is my pattern. I am committed to breaking the pattern.

Thoughts on Pema Chödrön’s Non-Aggression and the 4 Maras

We are what we embrace. If we embrace the problem than we are the problem. If we embrace the solution we are the solution. If I embrace shame do I not become my shame?

45: A Love Letter to ©

I made mistakes. I’m learning. I’m growing. I’ll keep doing better but as I heal, examine myself in the mirror, and let people back into my life I hope this is what I can find within and bring back to the table as a more emotionally complete man.

Perhaps this is the letter I should have written to myself.

06: A Love Letter to the Betrayers – Suicide

Pain isn’t the enemy. Suicide isn’t the answer.

The Things I Carry – The Preamble to Failure

One of the accusations leveled at men and women post discovery of #infidelity is the intentions to change, remorse, shame is all manufactured after the fact. That wasn’t my experience. I rediscovered a post about shame I wrote to © a month before discovery.

Thoughts on Anita Pavlovic’s Exist in the Moment

The body reacts to sexual arousal and the flu in similar ways. As such, if I don’t stop long enough to greet my emotional and physical sensations with curiosity, I will get fucked twice.

05: A Love Letter to the Betrayers – Labels and Abuse

It is impossible for people that never walked in our shoes to know what is true about our behaviors, why we did what we did, or what it means. I barely understand and others certainly never will.

44: Passing Judgement

What I know now after nearly two years of counseling is no one deserves anything. We are not entitled to happiness, comfort, safety, or even the truth or honesty. We are owed nothing. The only right we have with other people is to leave. We choose to stay, we choose to leave, but it is still our choice.

43: Do I Love You?

The Good Doctor asked me today if I still love you?

42: This Thing and That One

A bit of this thing and that.

People do what they know how to do until the emotional cost of change is less than the emotional cost of protecting the status quo. We all carry a load that was cast there through the fire of experience.