Where I described Painter as my anchor, I realize she was simply a mooring and we lacked a secure attachment.
Their podcast helps me understand my responses, and therefore, the responses of the people around me. If I can see myself more clearly I can see those around me more clearly too.
The truly loving action is to listen and then tell them, ‘No.’ Changing something simply to make someone else feel better is the path to my lost integrity and shattering of my character.
The narrative that has choked so many meaningful intimate moments in my life is the false narrative, “You deserve to be happy but if there is a conflict that must mean there is something wrong. Not with them, but with you.”
I wrote as a plea to be heard. By someone.
By her…but in the quiet of the night, when love and grief can no longer be shouted down I hear the repressed whispers of knowledge reminding me the woman I long to hear from will never return.