Moving forward, “Are my choices and actions consistent with what I value or am I doing things simply because I are afraid of what will happen if I don’t?”
I need to know to move forward.
Read More 04: A Love Letter to the Betrayer – The Three Questions
You are allowed to change relationships even if no one else understands. You are allowed to try again. You are allowed to walk away. You are not the same person you were yesterday. You are free to chose your life even if it is misunderstood.
Even if it appears to be a contradiction.
Read More 02: A Love Letter to the Betrayer – Contradictions
Don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying there aren’t “narcissists in the world, just not as many as you would guess from the number diagnosed as narcissists by disappointed partners.”
Read More Thoughts on the Flying Monkeys (The Narcissist’s Tool for the Smear Campaign)
In those moments when my Anger and Pride conspire to make up stories no amount of Truth will be heard. These stories, once accepted and internalized will blind me from any perspective other than my own. In this place I will always find things to confirm the bias of my angry pride.
Read More 33: Lies and Anger
As we all do who are angry, hurt, shame-filled and unskillful, “we automatically want to cover over the pain in one way or another,” adds Chödrön, “identifying with victory or victimhood.” I reality I have at times alternated between both rolls in an attempt to avoid what seems like desperate, despair-inducing loneliness. I can not blame C for K for that. I am very clear it is my lack of emotional skill, experience, and training.
Read More Thoughts on The Six Kinds of Loneliness by Pema Chödrön
The narrative that has choked so many meaningful intimate moments in my life is the false narrative, “You deserve to be happy but if there is a conflict that must mean there is something wrong. Not with them, but with you.”
Read More 30: Thoughts on Unicorns, Chumps, & Other Mythological Creatures
Too often I sense my grieving keeps me focused on things outside my control. However, with time and loving intention, my grieving gives way to a renewed focus on my own patterns, roles, choices, and opportunities.
Read More 28: I am a leaf on the wind
Intentions don’t matter when u r bleeding out emotionally. There is no room for nuance when performing emotional triage on your identity and life.
Read More Thoughts on Conflict Transformation: Intentions, Not Excuses (Part 2)
There was little room to learn how to express feelings, needs, and wants in a way that is vulnerable when it is met with derision, contempt, competing interests, and sarcasm. So I don’t think I was afraid of vulnerability as much as having a definition that equated it with weakness resulting in abuse.
Read More 25: Of Apples and Badassery
When I saw Esther Perel’s continuum summarizing a Relationship Accountability Spectrum, I was like, “Holy FUCK! Ghosting?! That is exactly what has happened over the last year! That is what she did! That is how I feel and behave! I’m not crazy or irrational!”
Read More Thoughts on Ghosting by Esther Perel