29: Saudade – The Deep Longing

I wrote as a plea to be heard. By someone.

Anyone.

By her…but in the quiet of the night, when love and grief can no longer be shouted down I hear the repressed whispers of knowledge reminding me the woman I long to hear from will never return.

24: And that’s that

I packed up everything and moved to Pittsburgh last week. I don’t see myself ever going back. I don’t want to be here but none the less I am.

And that’s that…

22: The Protector and symbolism

Heroes are expendable. When it was hard she left and never looked back.

I’m done being anyone’s Hero. I’ve paid my dues. I want to be a King to a Queen. I’m not disposable.

It is her loss.

Thoughts on Ghosting by Esther Perel

When I saw Esther Perel’s continuum summarizing a Relationship Accountability Spectrum, I was like, “Holy FUCK! Ghosting?! That is exactly what has happened over the last year! That is what she did! That is how I feel and behave! I’m not crazy or irrational!”

152: Paradoxes

“It can be true that your husband is a kind, good-hearted soul. And also true that he made choices that hurt you deeply.” via Elle Grant, Author

141: It’s not about me

I miss her. Sometimes I would just sit in the living room and watch her paint. I know she has been struggling with creating. I hope this is the start of her uncorking her creative bottle.

138: Slut

Labeling someone a slut – or a narcissist, predator, or whore – isn’t rape, but the emotional intentions are the same. It’s about taking someone’s Power.

127: Monkeys in the Middle

I’ve gone to lengths not to put people in the middle of my situation. I don’t want anyone else to carry my water.

126: Grrr…

The pain will never go away. I will only find perspective for the pain. It is a part of me now. To hate the pain is to hate myself; to love myself is to love my pain.

122: FFS

I miss you. Woke up dreaming of you again.

Eight months today.