90.2: A Perspective on C (Part 2 of 2)

I’m still left to guess at C’s motivations. However, at this point at least I have some perspective and knowledge.

90.1: A Perspective on C (Part 1 of 2)

I want C to be happy, joyous, and free. If not with me, then where ever she is and with whoever she chooses. I want for her what I want for myself. All I ever want was for her to be more fully herself.

89: Road Warrior

Many people would run for their own reasons. Many people run from their humiliations and anxiety. Me? I’m staying to face my humiliations, anxiety, and failure.

That takes courage and honesty.

82: The Elephant

This morning at 8:00 am CST I am facing my fears, anxieties, and humiliations. Anxiety wants me to hide so I’ve decided to do the opposite. I’m going to treat Anxiety like the bully it is: I’m going to punch it in the nose.

2 Days: Magic Brain Hertz

2 Days: It’s all Hertz

The justification and rationalization for hating C are always easy to find. The brain is a rationalizing, justifying, negative thought manufacturing machine broadcasting thoughts at 50 hertz.

4 Days: Perspective

For future reference.

All Hail the Queen

Yesterday morning I woke up to find a comment by the troll Warren about me on a friend’s blog.

What happened next was both fascinating, amazing, and a bit terrifying.

Dolly is definitely the Queen.

22 Days

I’ve made a lot mistakes since discovery day, 126 days ago. I may not be doing it perfectly but I’ve been doing it.

22 days.

Queen of My Heart

What would it say about me if I could pretend it didn’t matter to me? What would it say if I just walked away from her and hated her back. I’ve earned her hate.

I know what I did.

No.

I’ll take all the slings and arrows.

14: Pros and Cons of a Disappearing Act

It is entirely likely she looked at the totality of our relationship and decided there was nothing of value to salvage.

As such, ghosting makes perfect sense.

No wonder I’m not sleeping.