127: Monkeys in the Middle

I’ve gone to lengths not to put people in the middle of my situation. I don’t want anyone else to carry my water.

126: Grrr…

The pain will never go away. I will only find perspective for the pain. It is a part of me now. To hate the pain is to hate myself; to love myself is to love my pain.

122: FFS

I miss you. Woke up dreaming of you again.

Eight months today.

119: And so it goes

“How often we murder parts of ourselves by not letting things advance or come close. How often we let fear rule our emotional lives. How often we kill or chase away everything that moves.” – @MarkNepo

101.3: Unringing the Bell (Part 3 of 5)

101.3: Unringing the Bell (3 of 5) – The Human Beings

I’ve talked about C and K in fairly abstract terms. I need to take some time and clarify details on those relationships as I see them.

I want you to see them as people too.

101.2: Unringing the Bell (Part 2 of 5)

101.2: Unringing the Bell (Part 2 of 5) – Let’s Be Clear

We cannot talk about this if we don’t talk about this.

101.1: Unringing the Bell (Part 1 of 5)

101: Unringing the Bell (1 of 5) – No excuse

There is not a way back after the first act. I cannot unring the bell no matter how many lies I tell or secrets I keep about my betrayal.

And I had many of both.

90.2: A Perspective on C (Part 2 of 2)

I’m still left to guess at C’s motivations. However, at this point at least I have some perspective and knowledge.

90.1: A Perspective on C (Part 1 of 2)

I want C to be happy, joyous, and free. If not with me, then where ever she is and with whoever she chooses. I want for her what I want for myself. All I ever want was for her to be more fully herself.

89: Road Warrior

Many people would run for their own reasons. Many people run from their humiliations and anxiety. Me? I’m staying to face my humiliations, anxiety, and failure.

That takes courage and honesty.