On Friday I helped a friend cater an event at a local brewery. For reasons I am still sussing out when we arrived I had a full blown anxiety attack. The first serious and debilitating one I’ve had in a very long, long time. I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t remember what people ordered. I couldn’t […]Read More 05: Hidden Lessons
Which makes the holidays even more difficult. Lots of sugar, high expectations, inherent drama, social demands, and poor sleep combine to fueling exhaustion. For me exhaustion is Anxiety’s crack, one feeding the other. The holiday’s are the dealer.Read More 10: A Love Letter to the Betrayers: The Holidays and Anxiety
I hate admitting anxiety is an issue. “Anxiety is for women. Real men don’t get anxious,” my Pride tells me.Read More 52: My Anxious Bladder
The body reacts to sexual arousal and the flu in similar ways. As such, if I don’t stop long enough to greet my emotional and physical sensations with curiosity, I will get fucked twice.Read More Thoughts on Anita Pavlovic’s Exist in the Moment
There was a great deal of beautiful qualities in my relationship with my ex…but she is not the flower. She is not the reason it was beautiful. She is not the blossom or the tree. Our life was beautiful and it bloomed because that was the season and we both contributed to the season..
Our life together blossomed because it was our choice. Now it’s time for a different choice.Read More Thoughts on Pema Chödrön’s Curious about Existence
As we all do who are angry, hurt, shame-filled and unskillful, “we automatically want to cover over the pain in one way or another,” adds Chödrön, “identifying with victory or victimhood.” I reality I have at times alternated between both rolls in an attempt to avoid what seems like desperate, despair-inducing loneliness. I can not blame C for K for that. I am very clear it is my lack of emotional skill, experience, and training.Read More Thoughts on The Six Kinds of Loneliness by Pema Chödrön
I wrote as a plea to be heard. By someone.
By her…but in the quiet of the night, when love and grief can no longer be shouted down I hear the repressed whispers of knowledge reminding me the woman I long to hear from will never return.Read More 29: Saudade – The Deep Longing
If I love you too often I’m conflict avoidant. An uncomfortable pattern with family relationships and romantic relationships.
There are reasons for that right?Read More Thoughts on Conflict Transformation: Moving Closer (Part 5)
Here is the thing: if I want to be less trigger-happy (triggery? triggered?) I need to deal with my shit. Me. No one else.Read More 26: Thoughts on Triggers
Long before I have a conflict with others I have conflict within myself. Who wins? Who loses?
I create my own reality and therefore I’ve created the conflict.Read More Thoughts on Conflict Transformation: Winners and Losers (Part 4)