It seems I'm compelled to write to the men and women that betrayed their Loves, lives, and selves directly.
Just as "...but I love you" isn't a get out of jail free card following betrayal, "...but you cheated" isn't either. In both cases it is a deflection from the things that matter.
There was a great deal of beautiful qualities in my relationship with my ex...but she is not the flower. She is not the reason it was beautiful. She is not the blossom or the tree. Our life was beautiful and it bloomed because that was the season and we both contributed to the season.. Our life together blossomed because it was our choice. Now it's time for a different choice.
There was little room to learn how to express feelings, needs, and wants in a way that is vulnerable when it is met with derision, contempt, competing interests, and sarcasm. So I don't think I was afraid of vulnerability as much as having a definition that equated it with weakness resulting in abuse.