Category: Upon Reflections

low angle photo of black tower

02: Auditing My Life

Wanders

Regardless of how you experience the intention and impact of infidelity, we all are manipulated by the stories, expectations, promises, ideals, traumas, and fears we bring to the experience. We are the fictional Everyman seeking to protect the imagined safety of the stories, even as the stories eat up our lives. 

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71: Now What?

Wanders

We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are ― Anaïs Nin There isn’t much to add at this point. I did what I did. Beatrix did what she did. Painter did what she did. Pretty monkeys are gonna fly. We each have our own reasons, stories, and imaginings about the

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59: Thoughts on Kindness and Toxicity

Wanders

Painter is unsafe and dangerous for me because I struggle to see her for what she does. I sometimes forget how skillful — and willing — she is at getting other people to carry her water.

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46: Stories of Safety

Wanders

Nothing I do or say will create a sense of safety for people avoiding their own traumas. I cannot love someone enough to heal the wounds they are trying to avoid.

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34: Trauma Stories

Wanders

Everyone, and I mean everyone, will disconnect from their thinking brain when the pain exceeds their ability to cope. The only difference is what overwhelms me won’t always overwhelm you.

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33: Kittens in Boxes

Wanders

I’ve come to recognize through mediation, writing, friendships, and therapy, we all have a box of our own making. A box we all willing climbed in. My box was my infidelity, secret-keeping, and the escalating series of lies. 

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21: A Love Letter to Betrayers – Discomfort (Part 1)

Wanders

When I spend resources trying to avoid the painful moment I am imagining, I will never know how to respond to the actual experience. Everything becomes a story about a fix to a broken fix to another useless hole. These responses to my discomfort only create a new narrative of pain for myself and others. I avoid living in an impermanent moment out of fear.

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