"Be not the slave of your own past – plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience, that shall explain and overlook the old." – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Anger reminds me that when someone feels entitled to slam a door (or phone) to end a conversation, I am not obligated to open the door again for them. In this relationship, anger reminds me that surviving and flourishing means their silence and entitlement need not manipulate me.
Read MoreAs I recently was reminded, we sometimes have to re-experience the pattern to know we’re outgrowing it…
Read MoreIn Cameron Crowe’s 1989 American teen romantic comedy-drama film Say Anything…, after Diane Court (Ione Skye) breaks up with John Cusack’s character, he stands outside her house loudly playing Peter Gabriel’s song, In Your Eyes, over a boombox. A modern version of Romeo’s heartfelt petition to Juliette. At the movie’s end, Court’s father goes to jail for
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Regardless of how you experience the intention and impact of infidelity, we all are manipulated by the stories, expectations, promises, ideals, traumas, and fears we bring to the experience. We are the fictional Everyman seeking to protect the imagined safety of the stories, even as the stories eat up our lives.
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The willingness to truly see Painter as who she is means seeing myself as I am in that pattern. And to see this truth is to live with remorse and regret, and experience sorrowful grief.
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I’m not ungrateful. Painter’s gift is really a reminder to myself that she is not who she pretends to be, and because of that, I owe her nothing but time and distance.
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I was never confused about Painter’s decision to end the relationship. Although I was hurt and sad, I was never confused. I understood.
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Painter is unsafe and dangerous for me because I struggle to see her for what she does. I sometimes forget how skillful — and willing — she is at getting other people to carry her water.
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Painter sat at the defendants table and announced with absolute certainty, “This is all your fault.”
And I wonder, “Which part is my fault?”
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