Regardless of how you experience the intention and impact of infidelity, we all are manipulated by the stories, expectations, promises, ideals, traumas, and fears we bring to the experience. We are the fictional Everyman seeking to protect the imagined safety of the stories, even as the stories eat up our lives.
People remain stuck in the tidal flow between the Comfort zone and the Fear Zone. As we fight the riptide we exhaust ourselves frenziedly fighting to push the pulls of the tide. Growth required embracing uncertainty and risking it all to swim across the tides instead of fighting them.
Ghost stories are not based on the realities of my actions but simply imaginings of my intentions intended to slave me to the mast of someone else's emotional shipwreck. Letting shame go will cut you from the mast and make you the captain of your own destiny.
Today I recognize my choices for what they were—an unfortunate and unskillful habit of treating how I felt like a directive. I realize how often, in intimate and vulnerable relationships, I responded with a habituated neurological urge to pursue what I considered comfortable feelings while avoiding the discomfort.