Every time I hear one person tell another some variation of, “Staying in your partnership and trying to transform the conflict means you’re weak, a chump, abused, suffering from Stockholm syndrome, and your past history was just one big lie,” I think, “Wow! Who’s gaslighting who here?!”
Seriously?! How do you know?
Read More 31: Drive by Shaming
If I love you too often I’m conflict avoidant. An uncomfortable pattern with family relationships and romantic relationships.
There are reasons for that right?
Read More Thoughts on Conflict Transformation: Moving Closer (Part 5)
Long before I have a conflict with others I have conflict within myself. Who wins? Who loses?
I create my own reality and therefore I’ve created the conflict.
Read More Thoughts on Conflict Transformation: Winners and Losers (Part 4)
I see in the situation of infidelity, there will never be agreement about my intentions, motivations, or reasonableness but Buck is challenging us to discover what we can “create together.” To focus on the solution and not “fall into countless volleys of ‘you said…I said’ back and forth.” This unskillful approach “usually increases tension and decreases connection.”
Read More Thoughts on Conflict Transformation: Lawyer Mode (Part 3)
Intentions don’t matter when u r bleeding out emotionally. There is no room for nuance when performing emotional triage on your identity and life.
Read More Thoughts on Conflict Transformation: Intentions, Not Excuses (Part 2)
As I read and begun to have an understanding of Brown’s intentions, I started to recognize how foreign these concepts are to my life…and why.
Like pain, I have to learn how to make conflict my friend.
Read More Thoughts on Conflict Transformation: The Pattern (Part 1)
I packed up everything and moved to Pittsburgh last week. I don’t see myself ever going back. I don’t want to be here but none the less I am.
And that’s that…
Read More 24: And that’s that
Do you know where you want to be in 10 years? I do.
Read More 142: This is where I am
I realize now my anger and defensiveness were about armoring my heart. I cannot get to where I want to go when weighed down by my anger’s armor.
Read More 140: Parable of the Prickly Porcupine
127: Monkeys in the Middle
I’ve gone to lengths not to put people in the middle of my situation. I don’t want anyone else to carry my water.
Read More 127: Monkeys in the Middle