"Be not the slave of your own past – plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience, that shall explain and overlook the old." – Ralph Waldo Emerson
We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are ― Anaïs Nin There isn’t much to add at this point. I did what I did. Beatrix did what she did. Painter did what she did. Pretty monkeys are gonna fly. We each have our own reasons, stories, and imaginings about the
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If I love you too often I’m conflict avoidant. An uncomfortable pattern with family relationships and romantic relationships.
There are reasons for that right?
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Long before I have a conflict with others I have conflict within myself. Who wins? Who loses?
I create my own reality and therefore I’ve created the conflict.
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I see in the situation of infidelity, there will never be agreement about my intentions, motivations, or reasonableness but Buck is challenging us to discover what we can “create together.” To focus on the solution and not “fall into countless volleys of ‘you said…I said’ back and forth.” This unskillful approach “usually increases tension and decreases connection.”
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Intentions don’t matter when u r bleeding out emotionally. There is no room for nuance when performing emotional triage on your identity and life.
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There was little room to learn how to express feelings, needs, and wants in a way that is vulnerable when it is met with derision, contempt, competing interests, and sarcasm. So I don’t think I was afraid of vulnerability as much as having a definition that equated it with weakness resulting in abuse.
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As I read and begun to have an understanding of Brown’s intentions, I started to recognize how foreign these concepts are to my life…and why.
Like pain, I have to learn how to make conflict my friend.
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I packed up everything and moved to Pittsburgh last week. I don’t see myself ever going back. I don’t want to be here but none the less I am.
And that’s that…
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I acted in ways involving plenty of shitheadery but it pales in comparison to the shit our imaginations make up to keep us locked in fear in an attempt to keep us safe.
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