Love Letters to a Healing Heart
"Be not the slave of your own past – plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience, that shall explain and overlook the old." – Ralph Waldo Emerson
We don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are― Anaïs Nin There isn't much to add at this point. I did what I did. Beatrix did what she did. Painter did what she did. Pretty monkeys are gonna fly. We each have our own reasons, stories, and imaginings about the others'... Continue Reading →
I say this knowing just as Painter or Beatrice are not responsible for my betrayal, lies, and secrets, I am not responsible for theirs. At the end of the day how each of us reacts or responds to others is about our relationship to our emotional selves. Essentially, the ways in which we rigidly grasp our stories, imaginings, and entitlements define how we react or respond to the world around us. It defines everything from our suffering to our joys.
Four years and time marches on.
When I say, "through this grief and loss, I gained far more than I lost," I recognize what I am saying. I may romanticize and idealize Painter and our relationship, but I also realize how much that relationship cost me and how much I gained now that it is over.
It would be great if I could simply not do it again. If the wounds, trauma, pain, and anxiety hiding behind infidelity would simply go away. Disappear as if they never existed or as if they belonged to someone else.
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