40: A Moment of Truth

When the longing unexpectedly blooms for C, I need not fear the sting from the hidden bee but remember that alongside C my life blossomed and flowed into a new season. Though the season has passed what I reap in this season is based on what I sowed in the last.

28: I am a leaf on the wind

Too often I sense my grieving keeps me focused on things outside my control. However, with time and loving intention, my grieving gives way to a renewed focus on my own patterns, roles, choices, and opportunities.

21: A Reality Check with the Good Doctor

I am willing to accept far less than I offer in exchange for being loved, to be important to someone. I was willing to do the work – mine and hers – and avoided bringing my needs and wants of the Partnership. I acted as if I wasn’t as important as her.

19: When infidelity is loving

I’m left to lie to myself so that I can remain angry enough to justify not caring any longer. It requires maintaining a general apathy towards my own truth, and a casual dismissal of my heart, and therefore to my life.

Thoughts on Mark Nepo and the Snappening

Today, I am feeling the entire weight of my xp’s snappening.

As Mark Nepo writes below, “rejection and opposition are painful, but being treated as if you don’t exist is quietly devastating.”

Best of 2018’s Week 48

Try this again shall we?

15: Three Conversations

1. Shame
2. Hope
3. Grieving

Thoughts on Those Who’ve Fallen Through by Mark Nepo via Pathwriter

Let’s not bury the lead: I’ve been struggling the last 12 days with depression and yesterday morning I woke up actively contemplating suicide.

02: Dig If You Will The Picture

I’ve tried not to make irrecoverable or forced errors. I’ve tried to not run from my pain and grieving but protecting the past from C’s wrath isn’t my responsibility either.

153.02 The Pattern (Part 2)

I adulted…and I can do that because I’m dealing with my shit, my traumas, my decisions, and my consequences. I blame no one.