courage – Love Letters to a Healing Heart

30: Thoughts on Unicorns, Chumps, & Other Mythological Creatures

March 23, 2019October 3, 2023 Wanders

The narrative that has choked so many meaningful intimate moments in my life is the false narrative, “You deserve to be happy but if there is a conflict that must mean there is something wrong. Not with them, but with you.”

Thoughts on Conflict Transformation: Moving Closer (Part 5)

March 11, 2019October 3, 2023 Wanders

If I love you too often I’m conflict avoidant. An uncomfortable pattern with family relationships and romantic relationships.

There are reasons for that right?

Thoughts on Conflict Transformation: Winners and Losers (Part 4)

February 23, 2019October 3, 2023 Wanders

Long before I have a conflict with others I have conflict within myself. Who wins? Who loses?

I create my own reality and therefore I’ve created the conflict.

Thoughts on Conflict Transformation: Lawyer Mode (Part 3)

February 19, 2019October 3, 2023 Wanders

I see in the situation of infidelity, there will never be agreement about my intentions, motivations, or reasonableness but Buck is challenging us to discover what we can “create together.” To focus on the solution and not “fall into countless volleys of ‘you said…I said’ back and forth.” This unskillful approach “usually increases tension and decreases connection.”

Thoughts on Conflict Transformation: Intentions, Not Excuses (Part 2)

February 7, 2019October 3, 2023 Wanders

Intentions don’t matter when u r bleeding out emotionally. There is no room for nuance when performing emotional triage on your identity and life.

25: Of Apples and Badassery

January 31, 2019December 24, 2019 Wanders

There was little room to learn how to express feelings, needs, and wants in a way that is vulnerable when it is met with derision, contempt, competing interests, and sarcasm. So I don’t think I was afraid of vulnerability as much as having a definition that equated it with weakness resulting in abuse.