114: I’ve got this life to fix

I think this is some sort of allegory.

July 4
“We see the light everywhere but where we are, and chase after what we think we lack, only to find, humbly, it was with us all along.”

Mark Nepo
The Book of Awakening

After our second summer together I promised I wouldn’t miss the opportunity to spend another holiday together. I’ve missed six this year. I feel every one of those moments lost forever.

I blew it.

But now? Now I got this life to fix

Threw it all out in a ditch
Broken down when I was sick
Gotta build it back up brick by brick

I’ve got this.

Seven months. Seventy Moments. Seventy Bricks.

12 thoughts on “114: I’ve got this life to fix

    1. Not every moment without C has been horrible. The horrible part is not having her to share those moments with…

      Does that make sense?

      1. I just wish C had some ☮️ and wasn’t still carrying so much resentment and anger…

        I understand my betrayal has a long tail but I do care and as long as she carries the hurt I will hurt for her too…

      2. I understand and I’m sorry you’re still hurting. I wish you were happy again and enjoying your new life, but this is going to take some time. You have a lot of pain PLUS guilt of her pain to process.

        Reach out whenever you need to talk RC, you are definitely not alone even though it feels to you like you are xo

      3. Thanks SAA. I really don’t know what to do next. I’m just sitting and hurting. I just trying not to fix it. She isn’t a car. Our relationship wasn’t a machine…

        I don’t sit well…hence the Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic.

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