91: Hard Week

I simply want to stop waking up in the morning and looking for her in the bed next to me. I want to stop feeling the loss of her trust, love, body, and companionship. I want to be done with her…

Holding Back by Fridays Guest Writer (04)

Did my affair happen because of loneliness or fate? Maybe due to love of sex or to my lack of sex. I’m not sure which drove me to cheat; but to this day, I still cheat and have no regrets.

90.2: A Perspective on C (Part 2 of 2)

I’m still left to guess at C’s motivations. However, at this point at least I have some perspective and knowledge.

90.1: A Perspective on C (Part 1 of 2)

I want C to be happy, joyous, and free. If not with me, then where ever she is and with whoever she chooses. I want for her what I want for myself. All I ever want was for her to be more fully herself.

89: Road Warrior

Many people would run for their own reasons. Many people run from their humiliations and anxiety. Me? I’m staying to face my humiliations, anxiety, and failure.

That takes courage and honesty.

88: K

I made the decision to spend time with K. My betrayal of C, and the subsequent behaviors and the betrayal of K are inexorably linked. One betrayal cannot exist without the other.

87: Dogs and Cats

A dog simply wants to love you, be accepted, and be loved. He wants to belong. You own them.

But a cat? A cat owns you.

87: Dogs and Cats

A dog simply wants to love you, be accepted, and be loved. He wants to belong. You own them.

But a cat? A cat owns you.

Friday’s Guest Writer: Goodbye (03)

Goodbye by Friday’s Guest Writer (03)

20 months you were in MY husband’s thoughts and heart. I’ve ran through so many emotions and feelings towards you. Today I’m left with pity. And nausea. And fury.

85: Running Away

85: Running Scared

I only know what the trolls’ think. I will never know what C feels or thinks because, like so much of my relationship, she lacks the courage and willingness to tell me. That gives her power.