103: Three Conversations

Love and leave. Love and stay. There is no wrong answer.

What would you do? Do you have the courage to move through the pride and face the pain?

92: No More Guessing

92: No more guessing

I am trying to make sense of all of this. Maybe it is just me. Maybe she didn’t know.

It feels like there is more.

I live carrying all the emotional weight every day…wondering wakes me up at night.

91: Hard Week

I simply want to stop waking up in the morning and looking for her in the bed next to me. I want to stop feeling the loss of her trust, love, body, and companionship. I want to be done with her…

88: K

I made the decision to spend time with K. My betrayal of C, and the subsequent behaviors and the betrayal of K are inexorably linked. One betrayal cannot exist without the other.

87: Dogs and Cats

A dog simply wants to love you, be accepted, and be loved. He wants to belong. You own them.

But a cat? A cat owns you.

85: Running Away

85: Running Scared

I only know what the trolls’ think. I will never know what C feels or thinks because, like so much of my relationship, she lacks the courage and willingness to tell me. That gives her power.

82.1: The Elephant (An Update)

82.1: The Elephant – Like Clockwork

It is rewarding to hear people see me, my heart, and intentions without the ghost stories.

66: Consequences are Personal

she asked me to write a story about the consequences of my betrayal, secret-keeping, and escalating series of lies. I hope my experience will benefit others. Let the pain have a purpose.

62: Going Home

I left on C’s terms. I’m coming home on my own. I’m coming home to my friends. I’m coming home to reclaim my self-respect and power.

60: Why

I’m still not sure I have a real answer why I betrayed C. I’m not sure I will ever be able to provide a personally or socially satisfactory answer to the question.