62: Going Home

I never planned on moving away.

When C asked me to leave, I left. It was never my intention to be gone for nearly five months.

One day I was here. The next day I was gone.

I disappeared from the lives of friends, associates, and economic and community development projects. I vanished overnight from everything and everyone. I disappeared without explanation other then there was a self-inflicted, catastrophic failure in my relationship with C and that I was headed out of town.

I left on C’s terms. And as result, I’ve allowed others to fill the vacuum with truths, half-truths, and ghost stories.

I didn’t want to leave my Wisconsin community because, despite the lack of pizza delivery, I enjoy living here. The midnight skies of the new moon are stunning. Every day I see eagles perched along the roads. I love the solitude and silence of the winter. The bears dumping our trash can and shitting in our yard is actually cooler than it sounds.

It isn’t Mayberry but Mayberry never actually existed.

However, here I am, four months later still living out of my van, AirBnbs, hotels, and sleeping on the occasional borrowed bed waiting for a call I’m not sure I even want to come at this point. It is my self-imposed penance and punishment.

I stayed away thinking I was giving C space and eventually we would at least have a conversation. However, what I thought was happening wasn’t what was actually happening.

When I left I made the decision to give C one month for ever year we were together. As such, my five-month commitment to her ends April 22. At that time I need to make some decisions for the next 90 days.

As I said, I left on C’s terms. I’m coming home on my own.

I’m coming home to face my fears, anxieties, rumors, and haters. I’m coming home to my friends. I’m coming home to reclaim my self-respect and power.

If I leave again it will be on my terms and not in the middle of the night.

As such, I’m looking for a roommate in or around the Village of L beginning in mid-May or the first of June.

You know how to reach me.