“If you wish to see the truth then hold no opinions for or against anything. To set up what you like against what you dislike is the disease of the mind.”
Third Zen Patriarch of China (d. 606 AD)
Somewhere in the middle of the night, as I tossed and turned, I realized that the pain I felt walking through Walmart was not triggered by what I feel. It was triggered by what I thought about what I feel. It was triggered by what think I feel about myself for hurting someone I love.
It was triggered by my biological meaning-making machine trying to explain how I feel and how C feels.
My mess was triggered by the stories I tell myself about what I think I know…but I know nothing. All I have are the stories I imagine and the ghost stories grafted onto our relationship by ill-informed outsiders playing hero in their own drama triangle.
It isn’t enough to simply state I feel, I have to explain it, and dissect it. “The mind secretes thoughts like my body secretes enzymes,” says Tara Brach.
And so shit turns on a dime when I think on all the change.