This writing is worth reposting because I find perspectives like this few and far between.
There are a couple of possible explanations for this including:
- Perspectives like this are actually few and far between
- A woman that is betrayed is under huge social pressure to label the behavior and leave the relationship as quickly as possible. She is often given almost no space or time to decide for herself. Interlopers swop in and provide ghost stories based on fueling a drama triangle. Choosing to do anything else has a social stigma attached to staying. Therefore perspective is never developed.
- The betrayed simply don’t talk about the perspective because it opens the door for uninformed third party interlopers to hijack the narrative. I watched recently as a Twitter friend was talking about working through the confusion of staying after discovery. Other women hijacked the conversation and piled on talking about how if she stays she is “enabling” bad behavior, allowing a narcissist to use and abuse her, and using code words denigrating her as an individual for staying. As if she doesn’t have enough self-doubt. For interlopers, perspective and nuance are for losers.
- My reading circles are too small and I’m not paying enough attention.
There may be other possible explanations as well.
Anyway, I’ve come to value the experience of others instead of simply judging them for it.
I went out with 2 of my best friends last weekend, and instead of talking about Mr. Perfect and our relationship challenges with the 7 year long infidelity with multiple women (7 years with me, but started 8 years before we met), we talked about their relationships. They both report a lack of sex, love, […]
via Other Peoples Problems — A Couples Journey of Recovery from Sex Addiction
Thanks for being a friend. You are very kind.
My responses correlate to your numbers….
1. They are. It’s nice to see people trying to make things work both before and after things go wrong. Not everyone is built for that kind of negotiation or empathy.
2. People like to stick their noses into other peoples business. It’s a pack animal mentality that humans have. We love to side, to troll, to gang up without even attempting to see all sides of the story or try to be constructive in how we ‘help’ those people. The blinkered nature of people often infuriates me because you can never reason with them and therefore you should pretty much walk away from them.
3. As above. Plus our communication skills within relationships is pretty shocking generally.
Thank you RC xo