A few weeks ago I wrote about a self-defeating relationship dynamic where, out of my issues of abandonment and fear, I pursue understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness. I do not know if C is a Distancer, but I am without a doubt a Pursuer.
In a healthy dynamic C and I would alternate between these roles and usually did.
However, many of my post-discovery choices were unhealthy resulting in a negative feedback loop.
Immediately upon my discovery of this well documented and researched Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic I made a conscious decision to stop pursuing reconciliation, forgiveness, acceptance, understanding, unhealthy friendships, and lost love.
I’ve refocused that energy on pursuing a positive life, new opportunity, deeper understanding of self, and more meaningful relationships.
I don’t do it perfectly. I’ve been pursuing for so long, in so many ways, I don’t always see it until after I do it. However, I am done spending time and energy pursuing Distancers.
All I can do is own my choices, hope people that love me call me out, and not allow other people space on my head.
I’m going to focus on pursuing purpose in my life. You are welcome to join me.