The willingness to truly see Painter as who she is means seeing myself as I am in that pattern. And to see this truth is to live with remorse and regret, and experience sorrowful grief.
There are moments I'm often confused and bored by the stability in my relationship with Chef. I mean, if I'm not responsible for constantly attending to her ego and entitlement while driving connection, what am I suppose to do with all my free time?
Infidelity wasn't even the real conflict in my marriage or my relationship with my X or in my life. As someone on the Facebook Esther Perel Discussion Group recently wrote, "The affair is not something you do, it’s a place you go."