48: Fall in Love

“The average time it takes for [emotions] to move through the nervous system and body—is only a minute and a half. After that we need thoughts to keep the emotion rolling. So if we wonder why we lock into painful emotional states like anxiety, depression, or rage, we need look no further than our own endless stream of inner dialogue.”

― Tara Brach

A year ago today, my friend Susan, pulled me over as we were leaving an event. She said in the most excited tone, “Sean I got you something! It was really expensive! And I want you to have it!”

So as I walked towards the door of her car she leaned over the passenger seat and then with an outstretched arm she handed me this leaf.

Now, to know Sue, is to know a woman of great generosity, warmth, and compassion. She has offered me support and encouragement since she learned of my unfolding journey around day 16.

As a matter of fact, in mid-December 2018 when I packed everything into the van and removed it from our home, she made me lunch and gave me butter bread for the road. As we sat in the kitchen she told me, “Be patient. Give © time. And get your house in order. If she loves you she will talk to you.”

Which leaves me wondering if ©’s silence betrayed, or conveyed, her heart.

Regardless, it was sound, loving, and non-judgemental advice from Sue.

As I walked out the door she excitedly pulled a slip off her refrigerator and handed me a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson.

It read, “Be not the slave of your own past – plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep, and swim far, so you shall come back with new self-respect, with new power, and with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.”

I carry it everywhere.

So when she handed me this maple leaf it immediately resonated with me. I knew it represents something important. It symbolizes everything I’ve experienced over the last several years. I had a spring with ©. I had a summer with her.

Over the last 22 months I’ve had a fall (both literally and symbolically).

And now I need to let go of the beautiful sorrow and sadness that have been hanging on, to let go of the things that have served their purpose.

5 thoughts on “48: Fall in Love

  1. RosieJoseph – France – Welcome to both my blogs. Due to my memoir I have had to use change my name after blogging for four years and use my new pseudonym: Rosie Joseph. I thought I would use my parents second names because I know they would be proud of me telling our story. Despite my blog Making this better being about infidelity I am still happily married to my darling husband. The affair happening in our lives encouraged to visit France and we moved to France in 2015 after an eight year love affair with it every summer. But life in France was tough, and we learned not to be afraid to make change, so we moved to Ireland at the end of 2020. I published ‘Making This Better’ the memoir where I share the whole 21 days that RD was not with me and how that affected me, and my journal entries for the first five years after 'The war' happened in our lives. I hoped that sharing our story will help others but I know now it really did from the feedback I have received from all over the world. Six years ago I wrote how I ‘loved my life in France, but I am loving the idea of an adventure more. I have the wanderlust bug who knows where life will take me next!’ Well now I know it took me to Ireland! Always remember what is important in life. The only moment is now. If you like to laugh, cry and reflect, then join me on my adventure. Rosie
    RosieJoseph says:

    I love what autumn represents, the death of something to start something new. Make something new, imagine walking forward, moving forward through winter, which is holding on to something precious just under the surface. ❤️

    1. Wanders – #Infidelity is an outcome of an unskillful coping mechanism, everything else is a story someone imagines. Sharing thoughts and letters with those the men and women that #betrayed their Loves, lives, and selves too. What you do today matters most. All anyone can do is own the experience and practice doing better.
      An Explorer says:

      It is my favorite season.

    1. Wanders – #Infidelity is an outcome of an unskillful coping mechanism, everything else is a story someone imagines. Sharing thoughts and letters with those the men and women that #betrayed their Loves, lives, and selves too. What you do today matters most. All anyone can do is own the experience and practice doing better.
      An Explorer says:

      Thanks BG for the hug. It’s actually all good.

      Just a bit of the melancholies today coupled to mono no aware and a hint of saudade.

      I got this. I can only own what is mine and not what people imagine is mine.

      1. Of course you got this. Hugs can never hurt though.

        “We need for hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” -Virginia Satir

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