48: Fall in Love

“The average time it takes for [emotions] to move through the nervous system and body—is only a minute and a half. After that we need thoughts to keep the emotion rolling. So if we wonder why we lock into painful emotional states like anxiety, depression, or rage, we need look no further than our own endless stream of inner dialogue.”

― Tara Brach

A year ago today, my friend Susan, pulled me over as we were leaving an event. She said in the most excited tone, “Sean I got you something! It was really expensive! And I want you to have it!”

So as I walked towards the door of her car she leaned over the passenger seat and then with an outstretched arm she handed me this leaf.

Now, to know Sue, is to know a woman of great generosity, warmth, and compassion. She has offered me support and encouragement since she learned of my unfolding journey around day 16.

As a matter of fact, in mid-December 2018 when I packed everything into the van and removed it from our home, she made me lunch and gave me butter bread for the road. As we sat in the kitchen she told me, “Be patient. Give © time. And get your house in order. If she loves you she will talk to you.”

Which leaves me wondering if ©’s silence betrayed, or conveyed, her heart.

Regardless, it was sound, loving, and non-judgemental advice from Sue.

As I walked out the door she excitedly pulled a slip off her refrigerator and handed me a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson.

It read, “Be not the slave of your own past – plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep, and swim far, so you shall come back with new self-respect, with new power, and with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.”

I carry it everywhere.

So when she handed me this maple leaf it immediately resonated with me. I knew it represents something important. It symbolizes everything I’ve experienced over the last several years. I had a spring with ©. I had a summer with her.

Over the last 22 months I’ve had a fall (both literally and symbolically).

And now I need to let go of the beautiful sorrow and sadness that have been hanging on, to let go of the things that have served their purpose.