"Be not the slave of your own past – plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience, that shall explain and overlook the old." – Ralph Waldo Emerson
I’ve been working on cracking this Pattern for years. It has been like looking at something far away through broken glasses: you know something is there but you aren’t sure what it is and so you stare at it so long you lose sight of it.
Patterns are like that, I know they exist but cannot figure out the meaning and even then, the meaning I assign to it can often be wrong.
For example, there is a Pattern to solving Rubik’s Cube and the thinking goes: “I know there is a Pattern but I just cannot figure it out. Once I discover the Pattern I can figure out the solution…Huh. I wonder if the Pattern is found hidden up this girl’s skirt?”
I love that woman still…and still, after all this time, all the hurt, loneliness, revenging, interlopers, rumormongering, silence, self-righteousness, anger, and harassment, my heart skips a beat and I smile thinking on her.
Only by adopting a radical acceptance of my life and Our life together will I be able to break the Pattern. Only by loving my Ugly and not avoiding it will I find self-acceptance and freedom. Because now that I know, I have a choice too.
I’m going to create a more mature and healthier Pattern and a new, richer life. This Pattern will be full of mistakes, decisions, and errors too…but I can only have something different if I do something different. It can only be different if I bring a radical acceptance to the Pattern as it exists instead of running from it.
2 thoughts on “153.04: The Patterns (Part 4)”
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