31: Swimming Beyond the Breakers

I had hoped someone would love me enough to see me while knowing my struggles were never about them. My hope contained both a selfish expectation and deep longing.

27: A Quickie

There are just some days, even 15 months later, where I still long to belong to you. I’m deeply, truly sorry I betrayed you, me, and us. I never wanted to be anywhere other than with you. Ever. You were the one. You were always the one.

15: Three Conversations

1. Shame
2. Hope
3. Grieving

152: Paradoxes

“It can be true that your husband is a kind, good-hearted soul. And also true that he made choices that hurt you deeply.” via Elle Grant, Author

137.02 Birthdays

Every September 15th for the past five years I was there. My heart breaks that this year I won’t be. I did what I could on your birthday to let you know you matter, that you are all that matters, that you are loved. That I would always be there. What more could I have […]

137.01 Remember

Seven years in a few seconds. She laughed. She smiled. She loved me. I loved her.

What did she love about me? I brought this out in her?

136: Forgotten

I’ve spent much time and energy focused on my Ugly and working through my pain and loss. As such, I’ve stopped examining what was beautiful and good. It has created a myopic and unbalanced perspective on Our lives.

119: And so it goes

“How often we murder parts of ourselves by not letting things advance or come close. How often we let fear rule our emotional lives. How often we kill or chase away everything that moves.” – @MarkNepo

117: This and That

C brings the same depth of passion to hate you and resent you as she brought to love you and care for you. You did this to her heart. She didn’t do this to you…but today you both are choosing which wolf to feed.

113: Thoughts on All that we are not by Mark Nepo

113: All that we are not

You cannot be vulnerable and safe. Vulnerability is (risk + uncertainty + emotional openness). By definition, safety is to be free of risk and uncertainty. They just cannot exist in the same spiritual space.