110: This is a Test

110: This is a test

I’m a bit of a mess this morning. We will be returning to normal programming shortly.

This is only a test. Maybe.

108: Never Not Broken

The weight of all of these losses and feelings finally broke me this week. I feel nothing but sadness, loneliness, despair, and emptiness today.

I have nothing to offer anyone. Not even myself. I’m hollow now.

101.5: Unringing the Bell (Epilogue)

101.5: Unringing the Bell (5 of 5) – Epilogue

As my life with C fades to a distant and ringing echo I will move forward with intention. The lessons remain.

I’m excited about the possibilities.

101.4: Unringing the Bell (Part 4 of 5)

101.4: Unringing the Bell (4 of 5) – Some House Cleaning

I’ve learned everyone has their own Uglies. Hurt people hurt people and you never really know how people will respond to hurt until they are hurt.

Some run, others fight.

101.1: Unringing the Bell (Part 1 of 5)

101: Unringing the Bell (1 of 5) – No excuse

There is not a way back after the first act. I cannot unring the bell no matter how many lies I tell or secrets I keep about my betrayal.

And I had many of both.

Best of 2018’s Week 19

2018W19: Best Of

These are my personal favorite message, Tweets, memes, and posts from Week 19 of 2018.

90.2: A Perspective on C (Part 2 of 2)

I’m still left to guess at C’s motivations. However, at this point at least I have some perspective and knowledge.

90.1: A Perspective on C (Part 1 of 2)

I want C to be happy, joyous, and free. If not with me, then where ever she is and with whoever she chooses. I want for her what I want for myself. All I ever want was for her to be more fully herself.

89: Road Warrior

Many people would run for their own reasons. Many people run from their humiliations and anxiety. Me? I’m staying to face my humiliations, anxiety, and failure.

That takes courage and honesty.

85: Running Away

85: Running Scared

I only know what the trolls’ think. I will never know what C feels or thinks because, like so much of my relationship, she lacks the courage and willingness to tell me. That gives her power.