My experiences over the last several years has shown me how often my ego and pride need to be satiated before I will forgive someone I have decided has failed me. Even then I'm not sure I am forgiving as much as waiting to be right again.
There was little room to learn how to express feelings, needs, and wants in a way that is vulnerable when it is met with derision, contempt, competing interests, and sarcasm. So I don't think I was afraid of vulnerability as much as having a definition that equated it with weakness resulting in abuse.
I packed up everything and moved to Pittsburgh last week. I don't see myself ever going back. I don't want to be here but none the less I am.
And that's that...
My marriage to K was a wonderful, meaningful relationship too. I never regretted marrying K but I have all too often regretted not making the most of it.
The question becomes then, "Why don't you go back to your ex-wife?"