151: Thoughts on Cruelty

 Cruelty is cheap, easy, and chickenshit.

Brene Brown
Dare to Lead

Yes, it is. Call it out. Forgive. Move forward.

Brene Brown

4 thoughts on “151: Thoughts on Cruelty

  1. Don’t get me wrong, Brown has the market cornered on relentless positivity, but she tends to push the “critics don’t count” narrative a little too forcefully.
    When I was younger I liked that take a whole lot, it allowed me to immediately dismiss any sort of negative or cruel commentary on what I was doing wrong (which was plenty) and simply drop it into the “haters” bin and shut the top.
    Now when I fish some of that stuff back out, I find there were some legitimate points made (some eloquently, some angrily with cruel but truthful language) but I was completely unwilling to hear them.
    I do like Brown’s point about not taking the poor delivery or anger of the comments to closely into your self. You could ruminate for hours on something awful and just end up feeling like roadkill.

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  2. I can take criticism. Criticism is the “the expression of disapproval of someone or something based on perceived faults or mistakes.” My behavior opened me up to criticism. Most of the criticism is simply stories others made up, based on their perception, to try and justify their actions. A bit was useful. I can appreciate that for what it is and where it comes from.
    It is important to separate the constructive criticism from simple haters.
    Cruelty is a “callous indifference to or pleasure in causing pain and suffering.” It is the act if dangerous and manipulative people. It is intended to damage. It is the land of trolls, flying monkeys, and ugly people with ugly issues.
    There is no truth found in cruelty…cruelty breeds cruelty and that is why, IMO, Brown says you have to walk away from it, don’t reflect on it, don’t try and make sense of it. Cruelty is intended to damage.
    Where criticism can bes truth embellished, cruelty are lies disguised as truth.

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  3. I like the Alcoholic Anonymous adage of “say what you mean but don’t say it mean.” That said, it is easier in concept than in practice, for me. When I get wounded when someone is cruel or hypercritical of me, my tendency is to retaliate ten-fold.

    I am learning albeit slowly, to take into account that the person who has taken my inventory has their own set of character flaws and that I need to take it with a grain of salt rather than lock, stock, and barrel. Like many things in life, becoming less reactive to others cruelty is a process not an event.

    I think it can happen. I think there should be balance. There are times and places where it will call for retaliation but far more times will call for turning the other cheek and taking a higher road. That is where my work needs to take place. As that is a rather underdeveloped muscle.

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    1. I’ve tried repeatedly not to retaliate. I have largely ignored the crudely slung slings and arrows of the sanctimonious and ill-informed peanut gallery…

      It took a few months but I remember TR talking about, it is not the critic that counts.

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