86: Thoughts on Does Non-Monogamy Make You a Cheater? by Not Your Average Girl

For nonconformity the world whips you with its displeasure.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

One of my favorite writers and current Twitter crush is Not Your Average Girl.

Not only does she understand the appeal of good dimensional lumber but she also writes heartfelt, insightful, and self-revealing stories. To be clear, many of her choices and experiences are not going to be popular or understood but the approval or understanding by others isn’t necessary. They are actually irrelevant. She clearly is writing for herself.

I find her refreshingly blunt and honest.

I learn from her efforts to reclaim her self-respect and power. It would be simple to look at her writings as riffs on dating and hook-up sites — and there are stories covering those experiences. However, if you look deeper there is a real human being behind the stories trying to negotiate her way through her own pains, hopes, frailties, losses, and victories.

Sometimes she even writes from the perspective commonly labeled as the “other woman’s perspective.” This, of course, won’t be popular but it is insightful.

NYAG is unapologetic but she also isn’t bragging. She is simply providing her perspective based on her feelings, wants, needs, and experiences. Reading NYAG, and her fellow writer, Unleashing the Cougar, has provided a great deal of insight. Both writers are approaching relationships from a non-conforming perspective.

Just as I admire the courage of the men and women choosing to stay in the relationship after the betrayal, I admire NYAG and UC’s vulnerability and openness. The experience of these men and women have all helped me better recognize my own trips and traps. All of these human beings are taking non-conforming social positions and face social ostracization for their choices. “For nonconformity, the world whips you with its displeasure,” wrote Emerson.

When I read NYAG I’m reminded that K is no more responsible for my betrayal and subsequent behaviors than C. Is it K’s responsibility to ensure I kept my commitments to C? Am I a child that needs to be watched over by a group of women to ensure I keep my dick in my pants?

Absolutely not.

I made childish, selfish and self-centered choices to ignore boundaries for reasons I struggle to understand. As my doctor has reminded me repeatedly, at the end of the day the only person responsible for honoring my boundaries is me.

If I won’t honor them why should anyone else?

via 79: Does Non-Monogamy Make You A Cheater?


Not so long ago I was engaged in a brief conversation with someone who had a dating conundrum. Question: If you consciously date someone who is cheating on their partner, does that make you untrustworthy in a future monogamous relationship? Or, to put it more simply, if you date someone knowing they are a cheater, […]