07: Boundaries

I keep stepping on ©’s boundaries. Sometimes I step over them, and a few times I work the loophole. It’s manipulative as fuck.

It’s been in a blind spot and now that I see it I am responsible to change it.

Best of 2018’s Week 43

From where I stand the primary issues in our relationship wasn’t codependency, enabling, echosim or some clickbait pathology. Those attitudes and approach to communication may have retarded the growth of our relationship and vulnerability but they were never the drivers for me. I still strongly hold to the view that the primary conflicts in our relationship were an issue of communication, not compatibility, motivations, or intentions. Lack of vulnerable communication created a decision-making patchwork defined by guesswork.

Best of 2018’s Week 42

Here are the people, places, and things that carry me forward through the day as I trudge the road of happy destiny.

01: A Fresh Start

This is the first week in a very long time, where I am not overwhelmed with feelings of shame and humiliation. I did what I did. I cannot undue it. I cannot change any of it.

153.03: The Pattern (Part 3)

The moment I awoke to the reality that © doesn’t care about me, our life, or our future, I am free. I am free to go dancing. I am free to walk into any place and order a beer. Free to ask a friend that loves me, accepts my Ugly, and hasn’t run, to dance with me.

153.02 The Pattern (Part 2)

I adulted…and I can do that because I’m dealing with my shit, my traumas, my decisions, and my consequences. I blame no one.

147: Thoughts on Weeping in Walmart: A Twitter Conversation

Shit can turn on a dime.

146: Thoughts on The Marriage of the Princess and the Dragon

I long for the chance to show C what is under the armor. I long for the chance to explore what C and I could create together…but that life is dead.

145: Thoughts on About Forgiveness by Mark Nepo

This is what has kept me from forgiveness: the feeling that all I’ve been through will evaporate if I don’t relive it; that if those who have hurt me don’t see what they’ve done, my suffering will have been for nothing. In this, the stone I throw in the lake knows more than I. Its ripples vanish.

143: Silence – Day 34

I’m looking to answer the central question Dr. Madden asks in her book, After A Good Man Cheats, “Do u really want ur relationship back, or r u simply panicking & doing the things u think u r supposed to do?”