15: Three Conversations

1. Shame
2. Hope
3. Grieving

14: K

My marriage to K was a wonderful, meaningful relationship too. I never regretted marrying K but I have all too often regretted not making the most of it.

The question becomes then, “Why don’t you go back to your ex-wife?”

13: I’m Proud of ©

You either own your fear and anger or your fear and anger own you. – Sean Kinney

I’m immensely proud of C. Not that it matters but I am going to explain anyway.

12: Today’s Court Hearing

I know his morning I will need to take the gloves off if I want to break the Pattern that brought me here. I will have to embrace the role of Villain if I want to be free.

And that scares me.

Thoughts on The Puppy in the Pound by Mark Nepo

“What good if only your obedience and good manners are accepted and the rest of your passion and personality must be kept in hiding?” asks Mark Nepo

10: Vulnerability

What a horrible expectation I place on another person, making them responsible for my safety. When they fail, and across a lifetime they will fail, I punish them for my expectations.

09: A Rounding Error

I’m fiercely proud of my history with C. I loved her well but not perfectly. I know my betrayal et al caused suffering for her and our family. However, the dates matter to me simply because every day with C meant something important to my life.

08: Attitude

A few weeks ago I had a significant shift in my attitude and approach to dealing with my pain and loss. The way the day unfolded was a long serendipitous experience.

The lessons will last a lifetime.

07: Boundaries

I keep stepping on ©’s boundaries. Sometimes I step over them, and a few times I work the loophole. It’s manipulative as fuck.

It’s been in a blind spot and now that I see it I am responsible to change it.

06: Pfaltzgraff and Why Love is Absurd

Love is absurd. I would know.