69: Thinking of You

Pain is not the enemy but the light over the path to growth. Despite the chaos, I am grateful to Painter for opening the door to this life and this experience. I continue to love her from afar and want the best for her.

64: Gifts of the Season

I’m not ungrateful. Painter’s gift is really a reminder to myself that she is not who she pretends to be, and because of that, I owe her nothing but time and distance.

Lessons From a Black Friday: Year Four

Four years and time marches on.

50: Stories of Blame

Painter sat at the defendants table and announced with absolute certainty, “This is all your fault.”

And I wonder, “Which part is my fault?”

48: Stories of Gratitude

As I was sitting in court yesterday listening to opening statements, listening to accusations, and answering questions, I was overcome with gratitude.

40: Coping with the Stories

It would be great if I could simply not do it again. If the wounds, trauma, pain, and anxiety hiding behind infidelity would simply go away. Disappear as if they never existed or as if they belonged to someone else.

19: A Love Letter to Betrayers – More on Anger

Here is the reality, dig down a bit, and beneath all Painter’s cuntishness is pain. I know it isn’t personal, except where I make it so.

27: Wayne’s World

Now I live in the new moment, each just as fragile and impermanent.

25: Loving Karen

The truth is I offered her far more grace than I gave myself.

24: Getting it Right

“I’m here to get it right, not be right.” – Brene Brown

I acted dickishly. And by dickishly, I mean I responded with bravado to avoid being vulnerable to a woman I love whose anger still wounds me after all this time.