64: Gifts of the Season

I never told anyone Sean was my partner. He never spent money on my business.  I never used the painting studio above the food cooperative. He never bought clothes for the kids.

Yes, he bought that for us but it was a gift.

— Painter at court

Every holiday season Painter gives me another gift. Even if I don’t always want it.

The Monday before Christmas, I got another helping of Painter’s gaslighting and triangulating.

Hurt people hurt people, right?

Painter’s recent statements during her testimony continued to open my eyes to the depth of her entitlement and her dangerous, and rigid approach to her discomfort and the people that disappoint her.

Don’t misunderstand, I’m not an idiot. I’m well aware that my infidelity, secrets, and escalating series of lies may not have been something Painter wanted. I recognize they may have been painful and reopened old and unconscious wounds while creating new ones for her.


I say, “probably” because Beatrix claims the first thing Painter said was, “Good, I was looking for a reason to kick him out.” As such, based on what Painter has claimed and done since the reveal, she is super happy with how things have turned.

As someone remind me this week, if Painter wanted something different, she would have done something different. A comment with layers of weight while also being a misleading and oversimplified sentiment.

A sentiment I also understand just as I understand why people lie and keep secrets to make themselves look a certain way in an attempt to avoid the discomfort of looking at themselves. Painter is dangerous for me specifically because she doesn’t seem to care. I believed I was the asshole, I never expected her too be one too. I’ve learned a lot in the last four Christmases about other people.

However, I’m not ungrateful. Painter’s gift is really a reminder to myself that she has secrets and lies too. I’m reminded I owe her nothing but time and distance.

Although, now that I write that I realize, time and distance is my gift to myself. Painter is just the pretty wrapping paper.

“Great job using this unused art studio…”

Our first partnership. Daniel knew how to make that violin sing…and make a great pizza (Art Elves, RBC Plaza, Nicollet Ave, Minneapolis, December 2012)

3 thoughts on “64: Gifts of the Season

  1. OMG Sean… is your court case still going on? I figured that was over earlier in the Fall. I wish that would wrap up and let you be free.

    Hope you had a Merry Christmas!

    1. The only other thing I will add in this public forum is, my compassion for her no longer trumps my willingness to tolerate her b.s.

      I have compassion, but I’m not an idiot…at the moment. 😉

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