Lessons From a Black Friday: Year Four

The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”

– Pema Chodron

There are some things worth celebrating. There are some things worth grieving. There are moments where it is hard to tell the difference but when I lean into the stories I recognize several things can be true at the same time.

I betrayed her and I loved her.

Reminder to Self

…2017

---

2018

---

2019

---

2020

---

2021

---

“Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found.”

— Pema Chodron

I’d like to pass along a heartfelt note to express my gratitude to Chef, Star, Beatrix, Traveler, untold friends and strangers, and the tribe of men and women of Twitter and the Esther Perel Group for sharing the patience, compassion, and insight.

Also, I’d like to recognize the broken knights, monkeys, enablers, apologists, mob, and faux friends that helped me discover places of resiliency even as the rest of me was annihilated by their cruelty, ignorance, and contempt.

Lastly, when I imagined I was going to spend the rest of my life with Painter discovering, and rediscovering, who she is, and who I am, building a future, this is clearly not what I meant. However, this has been a far more valuable experience than I imagined four years ago today, homeless and crying myself to sleep in the back of the van.

With love and compassion and in all the sincerity, I’d like to thank Painter for forcing me down a new path, free of the old patterns. I cannot imagine not loving you.

Which, for clarification is not the same as wanting you or missing you…