16: Growth and Change

“It hurts to grow alone,” writes C. JoyBell C. “It hurts to realise that someone else won’t be coming with you.” As a result, I now recognize growth is always a selfish act.

Always.

150: The Fall

Over the last 10 months, I’ve had a fall (both literally and symbolically). And now I need to let go of the beautiful sorrow and sadness that has been hanging on. I need to drop the things that have served their purpose…

146: Thoughts on The Marriage of the Princess and the Dragon

I long for the chance to show C what is under the armor. I long for the chance to explore what C and I could create together…but that life is dead.

135: More Patterns

I’ll keep working on changing the things I can and accepting the things I can’t. You can hurt me but you cannot break me. Only the rigid shatter. As always, I keep my heart soft towards you. Not simply because I love you, but because I love myself enough to know this is best for me.

126: Grrr…

The pain will never go away. I will only find perspective for the pain. It is a part of me now. To hate the pain is to hate myself; to love myself is to love my pain.

123: Thoughts on The Onus of Healing by A Couples Journey of Recovery from Sex Addiction

123: The Onus of Healing by A Couples Journey of Recovery from Sex Addiction

I need – no I WANT, someone that will work through the hard and Ugly things and not run away because they are scared or angry or shallow.

120: Thoughts on Perfection inspired by Not Your Average Girl

“There is no such thing as perfect. We are all a moveable feast, we are all growing and learning throughout our lives. Nothing ever stays the same.”

113: Thoughts on All that we are not by Mark Nepo

113: All that we are not

You cannot be vulnerable and safe. Vulnerability is (risk + uncertainty + emotional openness). By definition, safety is to be free of risk and uncertainty. They just cannot exist in the same spiritual space.

108: Never Not Broken

The weight of all of these losses and feelings finally broke me this week. I feel nothing but sadness, loneliness, despair, and emptiness today.

I have nothing to offer anyone. Not even myself. I’m hollow now.

105: The Art of Love

My heart still sings out to her like an optimistic songbird hoping she will sing back.

There is only silence.