39: My Ugly

I’ve asked her to accept and love me despite my ugly. I am committed to providing her the same acceptance and compassion. I can do this whether she loves me or not. Acting lovingly does not require anyone’s consent or approval.

The reality is at this point in my grieving process, I recognize there is no such thing as a moral high ground.

36: Cleaning out the wound

“What is most healing about bearing witness to things exactly as they are, including my own part in my pain, is that when the voice of the pain fits the pain, there is no room for Distortion or Illusion. And this way, truth becomes a clean bandage that heals, keeping dirt out of the wound.” – Mark Nepo

33: Thought on the Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic (Part 2)

I’m not pursuing approval, forgiveness, acceptance or understanding. I’m pursuing my life.

30: A Novel Idea

I want you to be happy and successful. I want you to find the Partner you deserve, need and want. If you can’t talk to me like you love me, would you try to talk about me like I’m someone you loved once and loved you?

27: Thoughts on the Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic

I will not pursue her or anyone else. Pursuing is clearly the mallet of my relationship communication toolbox. Now I know: my pursuing is selfish and fear-based. The behavior only adds to the problem.

22: Broken

How can I hope for her forgiveness when I cannot forgive myself?

21: Drinking from the firehose

This is the gift of infidelity: it makes you stare into the mirror and see all the truths about yourself. Some are ugly. Some are bad. Some are good. All of them are important. Unfortunately, early in the process of addressing an infidelity, getting perspective is like drinking from a firehose.

20: Zero Sum Love

You are, however, not perfect. But neither is anyone else.

18: Thoughts on The Journey Back by Dolly Allen

I do not see any way home for me following the reveal of my lies and infidelity. However, what is true for me isn’t true for everyone. Don’t let angry pride make you a fool.

13: Thoughts on Punishment and Consequences

I need to stop letting my guilt limit my choices and actions. I need to stop seeing C’s acts of jealousy, anger, and revenge as simply a consequence of my infidelity but a choice she is making about how to punish me because of her feelings of jealousy, anger, revenge, and pain.