20: A Letter from the Good Doctor

Anyone who isn’t embarrassed of who they were last year probably isn’t learning enough.

― Alain de Botton

My Good Doctor wrote this for me to take to the hearing. The Doc didn’t have to do this and I never needed to use this, or the dozens of other supporting documents. I hoped for the best but was prepared for the worse. As I sat in court I thought over and over of something Brene Brown wrote: “People would rather hurt other people than feel their own pain.

In truth, I want my xp to see this…I’m sure it will get spun but she said over and over in the hearing that I intended to hurt her. Nothing could be farther from the truth but she will never know that until she sits and confronts her pain and the truth. My behavior involves plenty of shitheadery but it pales in comparison to the shit our imaginations make up to keep us locked in fear in an attempt to keep us safe.

I hated every moment of that experience. There are no winners.

November 20, 2018

RE: 2018CVXXXXXXX, C v Sean

Attn: Judge

Your Honor,

This letter is on behalf of Mr. Sean. Sean asked if I would write a letter of support.

Recently, it was brought to my attention that Mr. Sean has been accused of stalking and harassing his former live-in partner, Ms. Xp. These accusations have resulted in her request for a restraining order. I do not believe nor has he demonstrated any behaviors or made any threats to harm Ms. Xp. He has shown respect and taken full responsibility, with regret, for his actions of an affair while in the relationship with Ms. Xp and she has had very little communication with him since.

Mr. Sean has been a client since May 2018. We work three to four hours per week together. Depending on his travel schedule, meetings are held either in my counseling office in Roseville, Minnesota or remotely via Skype. He has been very consistent in attending the appointments. I’m confident in saying that he is proactively working through the grief of the loss of his relationship with Ms. Xp. Mr. Sean has demonstrated, in my office, his sincere regrets and blogs about his experience in the dissolution of this relationship. He is self-driven and committed to understanding the ripple effect of his actions. He willingly receives constructive feedback for a deeper understanding of how his behavior in an extra-relationship affair may cause distress and how it has impacted Ms. Xp’s life.

I am a mandated reporter. Based on my observations in our sessions and a lack of aggressive action when accosted by Ms. Xp’s boyfriend in and outside a public facility, Mr. Sean has maintained a calm demeanor. I have not heard or seen any aggression in words or actions towards Ms. Xp. At no point have I been concerned he was a danger to himself or others. He has been accountable for his behaviors in our sessions with only a desire to express his deep regret to Ms. Xp for his behavior. Early on during their breakup, Mr. Sean attempted contact by telephone and text with no response.

Based on his self-flagellation and his tears of deep sadness he does not appear harmful to anyone. I have not witnessed Mr. Sean with aggression toward Ms. Xp in any way.

Dr. Deb
Roseville, MN