If I love you too often I'm conflict avoidant. An uncomfortable pattern with family relationships and romantic relationships. There are reasons for that right?
Here is the thing: if I want to be less trigger-happy (triggery? triggered?) I need to deal with my shit. Me. No one else.
Long before I have a conflict with others I have conflict within myself. Who wins? Who loses? I create my own reality and therefore I've created the conflict.
I see in the situation of infidelity, there will never be agreement about my intentions, motivations, or reasonableness but Buck is challenging us to discover what we can "create together." To focus on the solution and not "fall into countless volleys of 'you said...I said' back and forth." This unskillful approach "usually increases tension and decreases connection."