Today was one of those days.
“I had a rough day, but that’s life, it happens
Woke up on a dark side of my mattress.”
I cannot even begin to describe how much energy it is taking not to let my feelings of anger be a directive. My feelings are not my identity…but I sure do feel the anger.
I keep going to this cycle and I still don’t know what I’m feeling angry about. Or why. However, just because I don’t understand don’t mean it isn’t meaningful. “Anger gets a vote.”
Or how to skillfully respond. And I’m struggling to express what is behind the anger.
As such, I keep parroting Tara Brach and keep saying to myself, “Anger is natural, intelligent and necessary for surviving and flourishing. Yet when we are hooked by anger, it causes great personal and collective suffering.“
The thing is I keep getting hooked here: I am suffering and I don’t even know why.
In moments like this I feel anger and the feelings of anger creates feelings of shame, grief, and a sense of loneliness.
What I do know is aggressively pursuing a fix, a relationship, a goal, a fuck, or a doughnut is not going to get me to the truth. Those will simply distract me from sitting with Pain, and only by listening to Pain, can I know my Truth.
I had a rough day, but that’s life, it happens
Woke up on a dark side of my mattress
Every day can’t be the best day
Do what you can right now, don’t hesitate
That’s why we try to make love and get paid
Take the bad with the good, now let’s play