35: Say Something

Wanderson9 Comments on 35: Say Something
I’ve done enough.

My Good Doctor and I had a great conversation today about my current mindset.

Essentially, how I feel like I am finally crossing the bridge on this experience and moving forward with new power, self-respect, and integrity. The conversation reminded me again, like my marriage to K and my relationship with C, I am more than the sum of my betrayal. I know who I am. I know what I did.

I know these things because I’m doing the work.

“Sean, your shame created a great emotional and financial inequity in your relationships with these women,” my doctor reminds me. “Just because they are neither the solution or the problem,” she adds, “doesn’t mean they don’t have problems.”

She also had me watch this video as a reminder that I get to decide what I am going to do next and when. No one else can decide when we are done grieving or what we grieve.

Despite all the nonsense people espouse about the nature of men and women that cheat, they actually have no clue and often lack the maturity to see relationship as it is and the willingness to own what is true about the Patterns they also have benefited from.

Say Something

Songwriters: Chad Vaccarino / Ian Axel / Mike Campbell

Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’ll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere, I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall
I’m still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Say something, I’m giving up on you
I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
Anywhere, I would’ve followed you
Say something, I’m giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride
You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye

Say something, I’m giving up on you
And I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you
And anywhere, I would have followed you
Oh, oh, oh, oh say something, I’m giving up on you

Say something, I’m giving up on you
Say something

9 thoughts on “35: Say Something”

  1. RosieJoseph – France – Welcome to both my blogs. Due to my memoir I have had to use change my name after blogging for four years and use my new pseudonym: Rosie Joseph. I thought I would use my parents second names because I know they would be proud of me telling our story. Despite my blog Making this better being about infidelity I am still happily married to my darling husband. The affair happening in our lives encouraged to visit France and we moved to France in 2015 after an eight year love affair with it every summer. But life in France was tough, and we learned not to be afraid to make change, so we moved to Ireland at the end of 2020. I published ‘Making This Better’ the memoir where I share the whole 21 days that RD was not with me and how that affected me, and my journal entries for the first five years after 'The war' happened in our lives. I hoped that sharing our story will help others but I know now it really did from the feedback I have received from all over the world. Six years ago I wrote how I ‘loved my life in France, but I am loving the idea of an adventure more. I have the wanderlust bug who knows where life will take me next!’ Well now I know it took me to Ireland! Always remember what is important in life. The only moment is now. If you like to laugh, cry and reflect, then join me on my adventure. Rosie
    moisyswindell says:

    I love this song, it says so much: you have feelings for someone but you closing down, and what makes it so sad is that we feel that all those feelings are wasted. I had started to shut down when Rich was gone, and if he had not contacted me when he did, even left it another week, I would not have had him back. The same as when I gave him the ultimatum on the night he returned if he had not came back that night I wouldn’t have had him back. I am just about to post about fear, can I include this in a link?
    Made me cry, ever the empath!
    Moisy

    1. Wanders – #Infidelity is an outcome of an unskillful coping mechanism, everything else is a story someone imagines. Sharing thoughts and letters with those the men and women that #betrayed their Loves, lives, and selves too. What you do today matters most. All anyone can do is own the experience and practice doing better.
      A Pilgrim says:

      Of course. I’d be honored.

      1. RosieJoseph – France – Welcome to both my blogs. Due to my memoir I have had to use change my name after blogging for four years and use my new pseudonym: Rosie Joseph. I thought I would use my parents second names because I know they would be proud of me telling our story. Despite my blog Making this better being about infidelity I am still happily married to my darling husband. The affair happening in our lives encouraged to visit France and we moved to France in 2015 after an eight year love affair with it every summer. But life in France was tough, and we learned not to be afraid to make change, so we moved to Ireland at the end of 2020. I published ‘Making This Better’ the memoir where I share the whole 21 days that RD was not with me and how that affected me, and my journal entries for the first five years after 'The war' happened in our lives. I hoped that sharing our story will help others but I know now it really did from the feedback I have received from all over the world. Six years ago I wrote how I ‘loved my life in France, but I am loving the idea of an adventure more. I have the wanderlust bug who knows where life will take me next!’ Well now I know it took me to Ireland! Always remember what is important in life. The only moment is now. If you like to laugh, cry and reflect, then join me on my adventure. Rosie
        moisyswindell says:

        Thank you, have put it in for tomorrows post: it’s about the thread of fear. Moisy ❤️

    2. Wanders – #Infidelity is an outcome of an unskillful coping mechanism, everything else is a story someone imagines. Sharing thoughts and letters with those the men and women that #betrayed their Loves, lives, and selves too. What you do today matters most. All anyone can do is own the experience and practice doing better.
      A Pilgrim says:

      I really am moving on and I know I’ve done everything I can do with the information I have.

      However, one thing I have realized, and I say this without irony, she lost too.

      1. RosieJoseph – France – Welcome to both my blogs. Due to my memoir I have had to use change my name after blogging for four years and use my new pseudonym: Rosie Joseph. I thought I would use my parents second names because I know they would be proud of me telling our story. Despite my blog Making this better being about infidelity I am still happily married to my darling husband. The affair happening in our lives encouraged to visit France and we moved to France in 2015 after an eight year love affair with it every summer. But life in France was tough, and we learned not to be afraid to make change, so we moved to Ireland at the end of 2020. I published ‘Making This Better’ the memoir where I share the whole 21 days that RD was not with me and how that affected me, and my journal entries for the first five years after 'The war' happened in our lives. I hoped that sharing our story will help others but I know now it really did from the feedback I have received from all over the world. Six years ago I wrote how I ‘loved my life in France, but I am loving the idea of an adventure more. I have the wanderlust bug who knows where life will take me next!’ Well now I know it took me to Ireland! Always remember what is important in life. The only moment is now. If you like to laugh, cry and reflect, then join me on my adventure. Rosie
        moisyswindell says:

        Yes she did, so much. ❤️

      2. Wanders – #Infidelity is an outcome of an unskillful coping mechanism, everything else is a story someone imagines. Sharing thoughts and letters with those the men and women that #betrayed their Loves, lives, and selves too. What you do today matters most. All anyone can do is own the experience and practice doing better.
        A Pilgrim says:

        Doesn’t mean we should have reconciled…but after seven years not one conversation. Not one?

        The entitlement to keep the thing I brought to the relationship? Things we purchased together? Not one conversation.

        No perspective 17 months later telling the same bullshit ghost stories?

        Yeah. As I’ve said, her behaviors gave me one more gift to work through: resentments.

        At least I’m working through it.

        Funny, my doctor keeps asking me questions and pointing reminding me of all the good and loving acts I took while we were together and it makes me angry and then I realize I need to be angry.

      3. RosieJoseph – France – Welcome to both my blogs. Due to my memoir I have had to use change my name after blogging for four years and use my new pseudonym: Rosie Joseph. I thought I would use my parents second names because I know they would be proud of me telling our story. Despite my blog Making this better being about infidelity I am still happily married to my darling husband. The affair happening in our lives encouraged to visit France and we moved to France in 2015 after an eight year love affair with it every summer. But life in France was tough, and we learned not to be afraid to make change, so we moved to Ireland at the end of 2020. I published ‘Making This Better’ the memoir where I share the whole 21 days that RD was not with me and how that affected me, and my journal entries for the first five years after 'The war' happened in our lives. I hoped that sharing our story will help others but I know now it really did from the feedback I have received from all over the world. Six years ago I wrote how I ‘loved my life in France, but I am loving the idea of an adventure more. I have the wanderlust bug who knows where life will take me next!’ Well now I know it took me to Ireland! Always remember what is important in life. The only moment is now. If you like to laugh, cry and reflect, then join me on my adventure. Rosie
        moisyswindell says:

        Yes we do need anger at times as fuel to move forward. God I used that anger so many times, so so many times.
        Sean sometimes we choose to ignore things & then when the shit hits the fan it is there & we can’t ignore it any more. Moisy ❤️

  2. blackacre02631 – I'm more than a betrayed wife - I'm a lawyer, a devoted mom of two awesome kids, a travel nut, bookworm, and a daughter - but I blog about the state of my marriage at betrayedwife.net .
    blackacre02631 says:

    Good for you! It must feel terrific to have that sense of moving on after all of the work you’ve done. I’m guessing it feels very freeing. 🙂

    1. Wanders – #Infidelity is an outcome of an unskillful coping mechanism, everything else is a story someone imagines. Sharing thoughts and letters with those the men and women that #betrayed their Loves, lives, and selves too. What you do today matters most. All anyone can do is own the experience and practice doing better.
      A Pilgrim says:

      Thanks BA. Men and women like you are teaching me so much. I’m eternally grateful to you.

      I’m headed back to Wisconsin the end of the month but let’s meet up again in June.

%%footer%%