C: You have caused this situation. You need to take responsibility.
Me: How do I “need to take responsibility” for my betrayal? What does it mean to you? Please be specific because I don’t know what your expectations are?
Notes from January 1, 2018 email
I’ve been reading about betrayals, secret-keeping, and lies. There is no excuse or justification for my behavior but I cannot unring the bell.
Now what? Slink off? Ignore it? Talk? Don’t talk? Be patient? Wait? Move away? Stay? Be vulnerable? Write more? Write less? Pay bills? Don’t pay bills? Try? Don’t try?
No matter what I do it won’t be right or responsible in someone’s opinion. My commitment to C was life-long but I’m also a realist. As such, I’ve waited one month for every year we lived together as Partners. April 22 will be just about 5 months.
C has kept saying take responsibility but when I asked what that meant to her I was met with silence. I’ve been left to guess. I’ve been left to fill the vacuum.
Maybe she didn’t know either.
Here is my question to my readers and fellow writers:
What does taking responsibility for infidelities, secret-keeping, and lies mean to you?
- As the betrayed?
- As the betrayer?
- As a professional therapist?