60: Why

I’m still not sure I have a real answer why I betrayed C. I’m not sure I will ever be able to provide a personally or socially satisfactory answer to the question.

59: Thoughts on Thanks for Stopping by: A Letter to an Interloper by Dolly Allen

Yesterday morning I woke up to find a comment by the troll Warren about me on a friend’s blog.

What happened next was both fascinating, amazing, and a bit terrifying.

Dolly is definitely the Queen.

58: After the storm

She is doing the best she can based on what she knows how to do. If she had experienced different things she would have done things differently.

Her behavior isn’t personal. For a long time I took it that way.

55: 22 Days – A quick summary of my failures

I’ve made a lot mistakes since discovery day, 126 days ago. I may not be doing it perfectly but I’ve been doing it.

22 days.

54: A Fool’s Tale: Betrayal

Vile and ingrate! too late thou shalt repent. The base Injustice thou hast done my Love: Yes, thou shalt know, spite of thy past Distress, And all those Ills which thou so long hast mourn’d; Heav’n has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turn’d, Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorn’d.

35.3: No More Mixed Messages: The Benefit of Hindsight (Part III)

Reading post after post about what happens post-discovery almost no one acts well. Everything in this situation is ugly. I made it uglier.

35.1: No More Mixed Messages: I Love You, Go Away (Part I)

On a shallow level, I believe C is ending the relationship because of my infidelity and secrets. However, at my core? At my core, I believe C is ending the relationship because I am not worthy of being loved.

That is an emotionally messed up way of interacting with the people that love you.

34: You Asked, I'll Try to Answer

“We do not see things as they are,” wrote Anaïs Nin, “we see them as we are.” And so it is when contemplating and discussing my infidelity and betrayal with those closest to me.

27: Thoughts on the Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic

I will not pursue her or anyone else. Pursuing is clearly the mallet of my relationship communication toolbox. Now I know: my pursuing is selfish and fear-based. The behavior only adds to the problem.

14: Thoughts on the Pros and Cons of a Disappearing Act by Lisa Arends

Originally posted on Lessons From the End of a Marriage:
Being abandoned sucks. The shock alone is enough to stop your heart. And then, once it starts beating again, all you want to to is yell at your so-called partner who thought it was acceptable to simply walk away with no notice and no dialog. It…