"Be not the slave of your own past – plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience, that shall explain and overlook the old." – Ralph Waldo Emerson
When the longing unexpectedly blooms for C, I need not fear the sting from the hidden bee but remember that alongside C my life blossomed and flowed into a new season. Though the season has passed what I reap in this season is based on what I sowed in the last.
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108: Never Not Broken
The weight of all of these losses and feelings finally broke me this week. I feel nothing but sadness, loneliness, despair, and emptiness today.
I have nothing to offer anyone. Not even myself. I’m hollow now.
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106: Hope and Envy
I want to be done caring or remembering or feeling. Yet hope and romanticism continue mocking my desire to let go. They dances through my dreams.
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106: The Mighty
“Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.”
I often wonder what keeps relationships going when, on the surface, it seems like there is so much going against them.
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101.5: Unringing the Bell (5 of 5) – Epilogue
As my life with C fades to a distant and ringing echo I will move forward with intention. The lessons remain.
I’m excited about the possibilities.
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101.3: Unringing the Bell (3 of 5) – The Human Beings
I’ve talked about C and K in fairly abstract terms. I need to take some time and clarify details on those relationships as I see them.
I want you to see them as people too.
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101.2: Unringing the Bell (Part 2 of 5) – Let’s Be Clear
We cannot talk about this if we don’t talk about this.
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I’ve made a lot mistakes since discovery day, 126 days ago. I may not be doing it perfectly but I’ve been doing it.
22 days.
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I awoke from a nightmare at 4 am. C was dating again. Dancing with another man. Laughing at me. Mocking me. Flashing the smile I love towards another man. Ignoring me but still watching me.
I woke up jealous. Tearful. Heartbroken.
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