40: A Moment of Truth

When the longing unexpectedly blooms for C, I need not fear the sting from the hidden bee but remember that alongside C my life blossomed and flowed into a new season. Though the season has passed what I reap in this season is based on what I sowed in the last.

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108: Never Not Broken

108: Never Not Broken

The weight of all of these losses and feelings finally broke me this week. I feel nothing but sadness, loneliness, despair, and emptiness today.

I have nothing to offer anyone. Not even myself. I’m hollow now.

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107: Hope and Envy

106: Hope and Envy

I want to be done caring or remembering or feeling. Yet hope and romanticism continue mocking my desire to let go. They dances through my dreams.

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106: The Mighty

106: The Mighty

“Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.” 

I often wonder what keeps relationships going when, on the surface, it seems like there is so much going against them.

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101.5: Unringing the Bell (Epilogue)

101.5: Unringing the Bell (5 of 5) – Epilogue

As my life with C fades to a distant and ringing echo I will move forward with intention. The lessons remain.

I’m excited about the possibilities.

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101.3: Unringing the Bell (Part 3 of 5)

101.3: Unringing the Bell (3 of 5) – The Human Beings

I’ve talked about C and K in fairly abstract terms. I need to take some time and clarify details on those relationships as I see them.

I want you to see them as people too.

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44: Jealousy

I awoke from a nightmare at 4 am. C was dating again. Dancing with another man. Laughing at me. Mocking me. Flashing the smile I love towards another man. Ignoring me but still watching me.

I woke up jealous. Tearful. Heartbroken.

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