When the longing unexpectedly blooms for C, I need not fear the sting from the hidden bee but remember that alongside C my life blossomed and flowed into a new season. Though the season has passed what I reap in this season is based on what I sowed in the last.Read More 40: A Moment of Truth
108: Never Not Broken
The weight of all of these losses and feelings finally broke me this week. I feel nothing but sadness, loneliness, despair, and emptiness today.
I have nothing to offer anyone. Not even myself. I’m hollow now.Read More 108: Never Not Broken
106: Hope and Envy
I want to be done caring or remembering or feeling. Yet hope and romanticism continue mocking my desire to let go. They dances through my dreams.Read More 107: Hope and Envy
106: The Mighty
“Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.”
I often wonder what keeps relationships going when, on the surface, it seems like there is so much going against them.Read More 106: The Mighty
101.5: Unringing the Bell (5 of 5) – Epilogue
As my life with C fades to a distant and ringing echo I will move forward with intention. The lessons remain.
I’m excited about the possibilities.Read More 101.5: Unringing the Bell (Epilogue)
101.3: Unringing the Bell (3 of 5) – The Human Beings
I’ve talked about C and K in fairly abstract terms. I need to take some time and clarify details on those relationships as I see them.
I want you to see them as people too.Read More 101.3: Unringing the Bell (Part 3 of 5)
101.2: Unringing the Bell (Part 2 of 5) – Let’s Be Clear
We cannot talk about this if we don’t talk about this.Read More 101.2: Unringing the Bell (Part 2 of 5)
I’m still not sure I have a real answer why I betrayed C. I’m not sure I will ever be able to provide a personally or socially satisfactory answer to the question.Read More 60: Why
I’ve made a lot mistakes since discovery day, 126 days ago. I may not be doing it perfectly but I’ve been doing it.
22 days.Read More 55: 22 Days – A quick summary of my failures
I awoke from a nightmare at 4 am. C was dating again. Dancing with another man. Laughing at me. Mocking me. Flashing the smile I love towards another man. Ignoring me but still watching me.
I woke up jealous. Tearful. Heartbroken.Read More 44: Jealousy