28: 70 Days, 3 Lessons

Three lessons on infidelity: 1.) I’m not a victim 2.) Secrets Suck 3.) Friendship and Ghost Stories

27: Thoughts on the Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic

I will not pursue her or anyone else. Pursuing is clearly the mallet of my relationship communication toolbox. Now I know: my pursuing is selfish and fear-based. The behavior only adds to the problem.

26: Hiding in plain site

I have to work on separating my infidelity from my identity. Separating the act from the actors. Which sounds simple but I’ve been living with this lie for a long time and to a large extent, it has been my identity. Decisions, choices, and actions were constantly influenced by a desire to keep the secret. […]

25: Mixed Messages

Ruminations are the shallowest of thoughts. There is nothing insightful found in blaming, anger, and resentment. They lead to nothing but bitterness and cynicism. Power and self-respect are not found there.

23: Getting Perspective

This is the gift of infidelity: it makes you stare into the mirror and see all the truths about yourself. Some are ugly. Some are bad. Some are good. All of them are important.

22: Broken

How can I hope for her forgiveness when I cannot forgive myself?

19: Running Silent

As she knows, she is the only one that owns my heart and has been since the day we met. Almost every moment since we met I’ve acted that way and anything else is a ghost story.

18: Thoughts on The Journey Back by Dolly Allen

I do not see any way home for me following the reveal of my lies and infidelity. However, what is true for me isn’t true for everyone. Don’t let angry pride make you a fool.

16: Well, that’s a pain

When I embrace my pain, instead of treating it like the enemy, it becomes the doorway to wholeness. Which is all I ever wanted.

14: Thoughts on the Pros and Cons of a Disappearing Act by Lisa Arends

Originally posted on Lessons From the End of a Marriage:
Being abandoned sucks. The shock alone is enough to stop your heart. And then, once it starts beating again, all you want to to is yell at your so-called partner who thought it was acceptable to simply walk away with no notice and no dialog. It…