17: Picture This

In truth, no amount of rearranging the world will make us feel worthy. The only response to adversity or misunderstanding is to be more completely Who We Are – to share ourselves more. Otherwise, we are always reacting encountering, and never being.

Mark Nepo

Last month while standing on the state line between New Mexico and Colorado taking pictures, I dropped my phone. It was a traumatic moment watching the phone fall.

As the phone struck the ground, the screen shattered.

No matter how I reacted, it wasn’t going to undo the consequences of the impact. There will always be actions that cannot be undone.

Now the top half of the Pixel screen tints everything in a blue pale. There is nearly a dark hole in the middle of this area that when I try to look directly over to read something, it gives me a flash headache as my eyes and brain try to fill in the gaps.

As I stand here looking over Buddha into the Northwoods of Wisconsin, I recognize my experiences of the world are filtered through a cracked screen, colored by my prejudices, traumas, neurology, and history.

There is discomfort knowing, like my phone, how I see the world relies on a program someone else wrote, uploaded externally, filtered through physics, and displayed for me to accept passively.

When I am conscious of how tinted my world-view is and how cracked I am by the trauma, I realize the extent I rigidly hold to history, relationships, and emotions. Only when I allow myself the freedom to redirect and refocus my energy and gaze can I overlook the past and see there is more beyond my programming.

The importance of clearly seeing this moment is essential.  However, I realize clarity is a result of a conscious approach to living. Clarity is dependent on me, separating the cracked and tinted vision from what I see as I look into life’s pixels.

Also, I need a new phone.