02: Own Your Shame

Six Types of People that Don’t Deserve to Hear Your Shame by Brene Brown

Below is a summary of six types of person that do not deserve to hear your Shame. My experience with infidelity is numbers three and four will be the default perspectives of the people closest to us.

1. The friend that hears your story and feels shame for you, gasps and confirms how horrified you should be, and then there is an awkward silence. Then you have to make them feel better.

2. The friend responding with sympathy instead of empathy.

3. The friend that needs you to be the pillar of worthiness and authenticity and he or she cannot help because he or she is too disappointed in your imperfection because she believes you let them down.

4. The friend so uncomfortable with vulnerability she scolds, “How did you let that happen?”

5. The friend who’s all about making you feel better and out of his or her own discomfort refuses to acknowledge you could be crazy and make terrible choices. “You’re exaggerating. It isn’t that bad.”

6. The friend that confuses connection with the opportunity to one-up you.

Suffice to say this has been a really difficult lesson that I have taken to heart.

I have actively tried to apply it to my life every day since. The result is my circle of friends is very small now and I try to maintain strict boundaries about who I let in, and what I let out. The cynical and bitter will call it image management.

Everyone else will call it adulting.

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