18: For Future Reference

…and this goes back to the idea that somehow I am only worthy of being loved when I was doing something for someone else. 

That I am only worthy of being loved at my best. That I am only allowed to be one thing.

And frankly that’s heartbreaking. 

Is it any wonder I get so confused about issues of abandonment, loving, and commitment?






3 thoughts on “18: For Future Reference

  1. RosieJoseph – France – Welcome to both my blogs. Due to my memoir I have had to use change my name after blogging for four years and use my new pseudonym: Rosie Joseph. I thought I would use my parents second names because I know they would be proud of me telling our story. Despite my blog Making this better being about infidelity I am still happily married to my darling husband. The affair happening in our lives encouraged to visit France and we moved to France in 2015 after an eight year love affair with it every summer. But life in France was tough, and we learned not to be afraid to make change, so we moved to Ireland at the end of 2020. I published ‘Making This Better’ the memoir where I share the whole 21 days that RD was not with me and how that affected me, and my journal entries for the first five years after 'The war' happened in our lives. I hoped that sharing our story will help others but I know now it really did from the feedback I have received from all over the world. Six years ago I wrote how I ‘loved my life in France, but I am loving the idea of an adventure more. I have the wanderlust bug who knows where life will take me next!’ Well now I know it took me to Ireland! Always remember what is important in life. The only moment is now. If you like to laugh, cry and reflect, then join me on my adventure. Rosie
    moisyswindell says:

    I loved this Sean, hope you don’t mind I have saved a few. I think some of our tribe are definitely in cyber space. ❤️

  2. Midlife Dating Adventures – Eve Lawrence is an Australian author who runs a blog about 21st Century dating and mating. If you're someone in midlife with a zest for living and a curious, inquiring mind, you might enjoy it.
    Unleashing the Cougar says:

    Love this post – and I so identify with this “…the idea that somehow I am only worthy of being loved when I was doing something for someone else.” I am only learning to unlearn that now.

    1. Wanders – #Infidelity is an outcome of an unskillful coping mechanism, everything else is a story someone imagines. Sharing thoughts and letters with those the men and women that #betrayed their Loves, lives, and selves too. What you do today matters most. All anyone can do is own the experience and practice doing better.
      A Reformed Cad says:

      Me too.

      I understand why she ran when it wasn’t pretty despite telling me over and over, as long as we stay together we can conquer the world.

      It left me very confused.

      The silent didn’t help. I appreciate this quote:

      At the heart of sulk lies a confusing mixture of intense anger and an equally intense desire not to communicate what one is angry about. The sulker both desperately needs the other person to understand and yet remains utterly committed to doing nothing to help them do so. The very need to explain forms the kernel of the insult: if the partner requires an explanation, he or she is clearly not worth of one. We should add that it is a privilege to be the recipient of a sulk: it means the other person respects and trusts us enough to think we should understand their unspoken hurt. It is one of the odder gifts of love.

      Alain de Botton