18: For Future Reference

…and this goes back to the idea that somehow I am only worthy of being loved when I was doing something for someone else. 

That I am only worthy of being loved at my best. That I am only allowed to be one thing.

And frankly that’s heartbreaking. 

Is it any wonder I get so confused about issues of abandonment, loving, and commitment?

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3 thoughts on “18: For Future Reference

    1. Me too.

      I understand why she ran when it wasn’t pretty despite telling me over and over, as long as we stay together we can conquer the world.

      It left me very confused.

      The silent didn’t help. I appreciate this quote:

      At the heart of sulk lies a confusing mixture of intense anger and an equally intense desire not to communicate what one is angry about. The sulker both desperately needs the other person to understand and yet remains utterly committed to doing nothing to help them do so. The very need to explain forms the kernel of the insult: if the partner requires an explanation, he or she is clearly not worth of one. We should add that it is a privilege to be the recipient of a sulk: it means the other person respects and trusts us enough to think we should understand their unspoken hurt. It is one of the odder gifts of love.

      Alain de Botton

      Liked by 1 person

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