I wrote this story regarding shame 30 days before the reveal of my secret keeping, lies, betrayal, and infidelity. The sexual part of my betrayal was over for nearly 12 months at this point.
People saying adulters don’t care unless they are caught are wrong. We care. We don’t know how to make it right for the people we love. Pride says we have to do it alone.
The criminalization of infidelity encourages more secret keeping. Criminalization behavior won’t stop infidelities from happening but it does reinforce shame encouraging more hiding, trickle truth, and secret keeping.
My truth, my self, my heart, my humanity is unworthy of being shared with others. What you tell me you see, feel, think of me is not who I am. I did not say, I “feel” or “think” or “believe” what you tell me you see, feel or think of me is not who I am. I know absolutely I am not the powerful, smart, handsome, strong, brave, courageous and worthy person you think I am.
And this is the power of shame.
There are no doubts or confusion about this absolute knowledge. Lack of worthiness is the one area people living with shame know with certainty while all other truths, perceptions, needs and wants are clouded by doubt. It is my only unshakable, unbreakable faith.
Shame is my jealous, vain and wrathful god and enabler.
Shame is fundamental to my identity. It is my religion and I am an…
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