60: Weekend 49 Fodder: Loneliness

I’ll make time to sit this weekend.

42: Time Moves Slow

As much as I practice suiting up and showing up there is still a melancholy that follows me like dirt off Charles Schulz’s Pigpen.

30: Savoring Loneliness

I’m not feeling lonely; I’m savoring it.

20: 99 Problems

These feelings do not mean what I think they mean. Pain is not the enemy. These stories I imagine about how I feel are just opinions with embellishments.

01: A Love Letter to the Betrayers

It seems I’m compelled to write to the men and women that betrayed their Loves, lives, and selves directly.

Thoughts on The Six Kinds of Loneliness by Pema Chödrön

As we all do who are angry, hurt, shame-filled and unskillful, “we automatically want to cover over the pain in one way or another,” adds Chödrön, “identifying with victory or victimhood.” I reality I have at times alternated between both rolls in an attempt to avoid what seems like desperate, despair-inducing loneliness. I can not blame C for K for that. I am very clear it is my lack of emotional skill, experience, and training.

Thoughts on The Six Kinds of Loneliness by Pema Chödrön

In the wake of this experience, the loneliness backfills the vacuum of empty space where life resided.

29: Saudade – The Deep Longing

I wrote as a plea to be heard. By someone.

Anyone.

By her…but in the quiet of the night, when love and grief can no longer be shouted down I hear the repressed whispers of knowledge reminding me the woman I long to hear from will never return.

24: And that’s that

I packed up everything and moved to Pittsburgh last week. I don’t see myself ever going back. I don’t want to be here but none the less I am.

And that’s that…

21: A Reality Check with the Good Doctor

I am willing to accept far less than I offer in exchange for being loved, to be important to someone. I was willing to do the work – mine and hers – and avoided bringing my needs and wants of the Partnership. I acted as if I wasn’t as important as her.